He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
