i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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