You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
