Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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