Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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