Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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