My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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