I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
