You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
