Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
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