What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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