I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
