The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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