mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize