Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
