So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
