Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
