The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just cropdusted the office
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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