Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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