eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
