nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
