My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
