Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Mom said you looked used
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
