we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
