Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
