Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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