i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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