I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
