he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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