Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
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We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
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I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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