His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
