We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
