3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
