marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
