Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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