Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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