i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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