How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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