i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
