I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
