she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
