The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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