Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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