Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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