Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
