Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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