Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
