It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
