what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
