I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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