Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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