Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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