I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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