I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I think my vagina is haunted
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
