i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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