Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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