Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
