It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
