is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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