Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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