I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
