Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Please don't give away my fajitas
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
