I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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