Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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