come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
