Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
