I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
