I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
