We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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